Becoming like Men

Over a hundred years ago, in 1872, Eliza R. Snow said that some women “are so radical in their extreme theories that they would set for her an antagonism to man, and make her adopt the more reprehensible phases of character which men present and which should be shunned or improved by them instead of being copied by women.” (Women’s Exponent, 15 July 1872, p. 29.) Becoming like men is not the answer; being who you are and living up to your potential and commitment is.



James E. Faust gave a devotional at BYU in 1986, and opened by saying basically I know some of you won't like this or agree with it, so I'm directing it to our granddaughters and the rest of you can listen. 😆 You can find it here. Women's Roles: A Message to Our Granddaughters

We're just going to go through it...well, my favorite parts....because I LOVED it.

I do not want to tell you girls what you must be. That is for each of you to decide. You have your agency. Each of you will have to work very hard to learn all you can and develop your skills. It will not be easy to achieve anything really worthwhile.  I also challenge you to reach your potential, to become a person of great worth, to become a great woman.

I hope that each of you girls will become an individual of significant worth and a person of virtue so that your contributions are maintained in both human and eternal terms.

As women, you are wonderful and special. 

It is unfortunate that it is taking so long to bring full economic justice to women.The struggle to improve the place of women in society has been a noble cause, and I sincerely hope the day will come when women with equal skills will be fully equal with men in the marketplace. However, this is an issue of equality, not sameness; it does not mean that women should be the same as men or try to do things the way men do them. Although some jobs that are traditionally masculine are now being done by women, it is possible for them to be done in a feminine way and yet be done equally as well—or even better.

You cannot trust the many conflicting voices that clamor about what women should or should not do in today’s society. 

Women today are being encouraged by some to have it all—generally, all simultaneously: money, travel, marriage, motherhood, and separate careers in the world.

But, my dear granddaughters, you cannot do everything well at the same time. You cannot be a 100 percent wife, a 100 percent mother, a 100 percent church worker, a 100 percent career person, and a 100 percent public-service person at the same time. 

“The only answer I come up with is that you can have it sequentially. At one stage you may emphasize career, and at another marriage and nurturing young children, and at any point you will be aware of what is missing. If you are lucky, you will be able to fit everything in.” (Sarah Davidson)

---Give yourself the grace to be in the season your life is at. ----

Granddaughters, do not be deceived in your quest to find happiness and an identity of your own. Entreating voices may tell you that what you have experienced in your own homes—that which you have seen your mothers and grandmothers do—is old-fashioned, unchallenging, boring, and drudgery. It may be old-fashioned and perhaps routine; at times it is drudgery. But your mothers and grandmothers have sung a song that expresses the highest love and the noblest of womanly feelings. They have been nurturers and teachers.

I have said that you are wonderful, special, and unique as women. Let me tell you why.

I have noticed that your grandmother “thinks” with her heart. Your grandmother is concerned about how her decisions affect the people around her. 

It may not be possible for economic reasons, but if you have the choice, do not abandon too quickly the full-time career of marriage and mothering. Some may criticize you and say that you have no ambition, that you lack brains, or even that you are seeking to get your fulfillment from others. But you don’t have to earn money to be important. You may choose not to sell your time.

Remember that no one will love you more than those in your own home.

No one will need more of your time and energy and attention than your family.

Homemaking is whatever you make it. Every day brings satisfaction along with some work that may be frustrating, routine, and unchallenging. But it is the same in the law office, the dispensary, the laboratory, or the store. There is, however, no more important job than homemaking. As C. S. Lewis said, it is the one for which all others exist.


Great women respond generously to their instincts to do good.

Much of your work as a woman is to enrich mankind. Care and mercy seem to be a dominant refrain of the song you have the opportunity to sing. I hope you will not leave any of the melody unsung.

The Savior and Women

"It must be comforting to you beloved sisters of his Church to remember that this same Jesus, our Savior through the Atonement, demonstrated his love and concern for the women of his time.

He enjoyed the company of women and had close friends among them. One of his great parables was about ten virgins. He blessed children. He honored the poor widow who gave two mites. He taught the woman of Samaria and revealed to her that he was the Messiah. He cast out seven devils from Mary Magdalene and forgave the woman taken in adultery. He healed the daughter of the Greek woman, the one stooped and bent for eighteen years, and healed Peter’s mother of a fever. He restored the dead son to his mother, the daughter of Jairus to her parents, and Lazarus to his grieving sisters, whom he counted among his closest friends.

As he hung on the cross, his heart went out to his mother, and he placed her in the care of his beloved disciple, John.

Women prepared his body for burial.

It was Mary to whom he first appeared as the resurrected Lord, and it was she to whom he entrusted the delivery of the glorious message to his disciples that he had risen.

Is there any reason to think that he cares any less about women today?"

(Howard W. Hunter, To the Women of the Church)

Few of the Greatest Characters of Scripture

I have often contemplated why the world is plagued with a desire to belittle. It comes in waves. Races, occupations, genders, etc. For a while it was popular to belittle men. They were seen as dumb, unimportant, and incompetent in movies, commercials, and other forms of media. Now the heme is belittling women. Ironically, not by undermining their capabilities, but by loudly declaring that they are not good enough as they are.

In reviewing the women in my life who have indented lasting impacts on me, I don't think there is anything wrong with privately and tenderly creating a permanent legacy in the hearts of children. 

Biblical heroes are often men, and for good reason. They were in charge of governments, armies, and religion. There are however few stories of women, and today that's what we're highlighting through a quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley. 

"Notwithstanding this preeminence given the creation of woman, she has so frequently through the ages been relegated to a secondary position. She has been put down. She has been denigrated. She has been enslaved. She has been abused. And yet some few of the greatest characters of scripture have been women of integrity, accomplishment, and faith. 

We have Esther, Naomi, and Ruth of the Old Testament. We have Sariah of the Book of Mormon. We have Mary, the very mother of the Redeemer of the world. We have her as the chosen of God, described by Nephi as "a virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins."

She it was who carried the child Jesus into Egypt to save His life from the wrath of Herod. She it was who nurtured Him in His boyhood and young manhood. She stood before Him when His pain-wracked body hung upon the cross on Calvary's hill. In his suffering He said to her, "Woman, behold they son!" And to His disciple in a plea that he care fore her, He said, "Behold they mother!"

Crossing through His life we have Mary and Martha, and Mary of Magdala. She it was who came to the tomb that first Easter morning. And to her, a woman, He first appeared as the resurrected Lord.  (Gordon B. Hinckley, The Women in Our Lives, 2004)

Not 'just' a Mother

My mother-in-law gave me a book for my birthday this year. At first, I wasn't too excited to read it...thinking it was just another one of those feel good LDS books. I was wrong. The minute I picked it up, I haven't wanted to put it down, and I'm reading it through for the second time in like two weeks.

It's called I am A Mother, by Jane Clayson Johnson.

I feel so connected to this woman's ideas. I've been feeling and thinking so many things about motherhood lately (I mean, I am a first time mom with a 5 month old). I just think there are so many conflicting ideas out there.

I studied Medical Laboratory Science at BYU, graduated, and worked in a lab for a year and a half running blood tests and reading blood smears of cancer patients under a microscope. I loved it! I really did. I always knew that once we started our family I would quit and stay home and I anxiously awaited that. When it happened though, I was surprised to hear myself telling people, "Oh I used to work in a lab, but now I'm just a mom." .....What was wrong with being a mom? I had looked forward to it with great anticipation, and it was finally here! And here I was telling people I was 'just' a mom.

So onto Jane Clayson Johnson's words. You guys, this is good. I feel like it perfectly captures what I'm trying to articulate. That there is nothing 'less' about motherhood.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I attended a dinner meeting outside Washington D.C. The men in the room confidently and appropriately stated their professional achievements, which were impressive. They had degrees; they served on boards; they tended to patients and served clients; they had accomplished sons and daughters. Then their wives stood up - beautiful, intelligent, spiritual women. Many of them had served on boards, held degrees, were seasoned in their respective fields. But this is how they introduced themselves. "Oh, I'm just a mom."

When I heard these women say, "I'm just a mother," I was taken aback. Was I missing something? Did these lovely women, these experienced mothers, know something I didn't? Was it simply a matter of time before I'd figure it out? Before I, too would understand that motherhood was somehow of lesser importance? I was so bewildered by their comments that questions began to gnaw at me - What have I done? What have I done? 

A chorus of, "I'm just a mother," juxtaposed with, "What will you be without you job?" and "You're making a terrible mistake" made me wonder, could they be right? Is it possible that motherhood is an insignificant, second-rate occupation? Had I made a bad decision? I thought I'd done everything right. I'd fasted and prayed. I'd felt such a powerful, spiritual confirmation that this was the right choice for me. Could it be that Heavenly Father would plan for me to walk away from something I loved for the 'misery' of being 'just' a mother?

What I have since learned is that God's definition of motherhood and the world's definition are vastly different. And sometimes - and probably all too often - the challenges, daily physical and emotional exhaustion, and occasional self-doubt that comes along with being a mother cause many of us to buy into an inaccurate and destructive understanding of our role. There just doesn't seem to be a lot of joy - or fulfillment - associated with the world's interpretation of motherhood. 

But when we trust in the arm of the Lord rather than the voices of the world, everything changes. Neal A. Maxwell observed, "When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peace-making of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?" (The Women of God. 10-11)

I see no 'justs' when I read those words. Instead I feel something: Honor. Responsibility. Awe. Hope. I begin to understand what the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been quietly reminding mothers for years, that "motherhood is near to divinity," the "highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind." (J. Reuben Clark Jr., Improvement Era, 761)

Amen sister.

Carry on.

Far Above the Rubies

The Bible instructs that the worth of a virtuous woman is far above rubies.

I can't escape the battle of womanhood. It would appear that there are a lot of upset women who either don't feel that their worth is shown to them, or are afraid that it will soon disappear. This has caused a good deal of inner contemplation on my part. What does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a virtuous woman? Am I treated as if my worth is far above rubies? Am I acting as if my worth is far above rubies?

The goal of this blog is to study the topic of women, and to share findings.

After living abroad for a few years, experiencing a different climate and culture, a different breed of women (specifically gorgeous Scandinavian ones), and a lot of pondering, I wrote a small mantra to take home with me.

I am a woman who CHOOSES TO HAVE FAITH. As the wickedness in the world ripens around me, I will RIPEN IN GOODNESS. I know where I want to go. I have the courage to LIVE DECENTLY. I am the type of woman who strives to be more EASILY MOBILIZED for eternal causes, and less easily immobilized by the disappointments of the day. I am not a woman who will sit and bemoan tragedy. I will move. I will put my faith and HOPE INTO ACTION. I realize there will be days when I feel defeated or exhausted, but I am the kind of woman who has the capacity to face trouble with COURAGE and disappointment with CHEERFULNESS. I believe in myself and in my CAPACITY TO DO GOOD. God knows us and loves us individually. He sent us here to act. More importantly, He sent us here to TRY. Because if we don't try, we don't do, and if we don't do, then why are we here? I can appreciate that we're not here to get ahead of each other, but to get ahead of ourselves. To break our own records. To bear our own trials more beautifully than we ever dreamed we could. To outstrip our yesterdays with our todays. I am trying to possess the spirituality to behave like a CHILD OF GOD. That means not blending in. Not appearing less committed than I am. It means provoking others to LOVE AND GOOD WORKS. It means being the kind of woman who HELPS OTHERS more willingly bear their burdens and more ably shoulder their tasks. It means not shirking life or trying to avoid its experiences. But being a woman whose LIFE REFLECTS MY LOVE. My religion is what I believe in, think about, work at, fight for, and live by. I know who I am and whose I am. And I CHOOSE TO HAVE FAITH.

Carry on.